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One of the most valuable metaphors I learned while attending diesel-technician school came from an instructor who directed us in his clipped Prussian accent to think of the internal combustion engine not as an engine but as an air pump. I remember exchanging stupefied glances with my fellow students as we all wondered if he’d been into the schnapps again.

Back in a previous life I cleaned boats for a living, roaming the docks of Newport, Rhode Island, with my bucket, a coiled-up hose, and various and sundry brushes, chamois, rags, polishes, waxes, soaps, and the like.

We’ve all seen the routine on any given weekend. A boat pulls into a crowded anchorage, parks in the middle of the pack, and throws the anchor over the bow like a catapult, in one big, knotted ball. Before this mass even reaches the bottom, a beer is cracked and the captain and crew are lounging, while kids are jumping off the stern. Soon enough the boat is dragging through the anchorage while the captain is scratching his head in bewilderment.

Dad’s are notoriously hard to shop for. Lucky for you our colleague Daniel Harding at out sister-publication has done all the leg work you need to look like a hero come Sunday. Behold, the essential guide to treating the admiral in your life.

On the bright side, boaters are a helpful bunch. However, there are those twisted souls among lend a “helping” hand when it is the least helpful—an ode to the misguided angels of the docks.

I think it’s time to balance all those cautionary articles on diesel maintenance with one that assures you of what an amazingly simple and durable piece of hardware your diesel is and how little care and feeding it needs to do its job.

We spend an awful lot of time explaining how one should go about matters of the boat. This is not to say we aren’t experts of the adverse as well – here is one such example of how NOT to go about getting to the fuel docks.

The ooh-and-aah factor for virtually every iteration of this technology has been huge right out of the box, ever since it first was introduced a few years ago. But, bringing to mind old dogs and new tricks, maybe lots of boaters didn’t necessarily understand the presentation of the data.

Engine oil analysis can tell you a lot about the health of your boat’s motor. While a single sample may not give you the whole story, an OSA creates a “baseline” that helps you look at your engine’s health over time.

Admit it, mother knows best! No matter where you boat, now is the time for spring cleaning and below decks can be the toughest spot to tackle. Here’s how…